How to Be Successful

My daily reality: 

change comes fast, hard and with certainty.  

This means I am always; continually; and without relief, uncertain. 

In today’s world I am left alone to create myself - over and over again.  It is both my freedom and a prison.

In my quest to my today self and in the flow to my next, I am always searching for guideposts, examples, case studies, the best practices from those who seem to be “successful” (at this moment).  I do this even though I know nothing that is so fluid holds its shape. But I must get “there” somehow.

Those who have achieved success in their moment are more than willing to share; there is no lack of advice for me in books and blogs and articles and videos and tv shows and stores and communities and tweets.  The example is, after all, who they are.

how to do the same, be like them, change for the better.  to do otherwise I am doomed to be like ”all the other losers.”

The formula is rather simple, I see:  be remarkable, be creative, follow your heart, leverage connections, be authentic, find opportunity; do the steps, start that, stop this, begin again. 

It is exhilarating.  It holds promise.  It is inspiring.  It is unending newness. Each or all might be the answer.

So, how?

The truth is, they don’t know how they “did it.”   They identify a path they think they took, in hindsight, within their particular circumstance and in the shifting landscape they were flowing through and with the tools their environment afforded them.

When I ask “how did you do it?” I am not asking for more examples. There are too many “examples” – all of them contributing to me feeling inadequate. Incapable. Overwhelmed. Alone. 

The world demands that I  “make myself,” so by definition, I cannot do what you do.  I am, after all, “the individual” and to do what you do means I am not.

When I ask “how” I am asking for a process, a capability; not another example or steps or for an inspiring admonition.

But we don’t teach people caught within constant change the how.  We offer stories.

Perhaps because the story is the only thing that makes you you (at least the you of today).

In a world without structure, all I have to hold onto is a process; and the capabilities to invest in it.



Photo credit: Elizaveta Porodina

Shopping for Self

“Let’s go on searching for our real selves, it’s smashing fun - on condition that the real self will never be found.  Because if it were, the fun would end.”

—Slawomir Mrozek

 ’Make yourself,’ ‘invent yourself,’ ‘be whomever you wish to be.’ Those who offer us the trappings for our modern ‘becoming’ journey are endless.  We may change ourselves as often as we wish, without limit. 

We are endless ‘hunters,’ fully immersed in the game of finding ourselves - our real self is the capture. 

But to find oneself would end the game, ending the only identity we have known.



Photo credit: Le Container

“‘Individualism’ consists of transforming human ‘identity’ from a ‘given’ into a ‘task’ and charging the actors with the responsibility for performing that task and for the consequences (also the side-effects) of their performance.”

Zymunt Bauman, Liquid Modernity 

Paulinha Lefevre

Fake Places, Distributed Selves, Real People

We are liquid beings. Beings who live digitally, not fixed in time or space. Our digital selves are completely indivisible from the person navigating the solid world. But even there we inhabit a culture in which guiding structures are melting away.

Our liquidness - and its loneliness - interest me intensely.

Zygmunt Bauman, renowed contemporary sociologist, began articulating his theory of “liquid modernity” in the late 1990’s.  Much of what we hear in the conversation flow about uncertainty, change, power, leadership, social media and culture has, at its core, many of Bauman’s insights.

His observations greatly influences my work as a marketer, digital strategist, business leader and educator in trying to understand how to truly and best connect with people who are now liquid and to interpret their behaviors in liquid spaces.  I often turn to Bauman’s work to help me interpret the aloneness of my own liquidity.

My flow around the cultural conversation usually centers around social and digital media for marketing - and since this is my liquid space and moment, l can say: the tone and substance of most of it just exhausts me.  

The “memes” are flooded with examples - the “how to” be great (both in our liquid and solid states); implore us to “get with it;” are filled with empty, m.e.a.n.i.n.g.l.e.s.s jargon used to convey a kind of power;  emphasize the need to stand out and alone; and that, above all, our value lies in our followers.

 I admit I tend to retreat to those who are deeper wells.  My focus is to try and interpret the digital behaviors of “us”: real, individual people working so hard at living successfully in a liquid culture - which today means navigating well in digital space.

I sometimes feel guilty about my retreat - but then, this liquid world is framed so that we feel guilty about pretty much everything. But learning about truly “connecting while flowing” is too important to harbor my guilt (a benefit to being liquid - little lasts but a moment!).  

I’m impatient with my “industry.”  We need to be working better at finding meaning here and finding ways to provide true leadership, rather than the mere counsel that dominates; counsel that usually ends with an edict to go out and “do it” - succeed on your own, “as I have.”

(Today) I don’t believe that crowdsourcing, digital collectives, social networks or ubiquitous connectivity connects us in quite the ways the digeratri would have us believe. 

(Today) I don’t believe that education should melt away structure in responding to the urgent need for learning in real-time while integrating the 95% of learning that is informal (and liquid).

I of course believe we are experimenting with these as tools to connect meaningfully as a culture, and as individuals.  But we are far from understanding ourselves as liquid beings. There is no prescription.  And that (seemingly wonderful) freedom from any prescription makes us feel very alone in our pursuits.

This is my digital space to gather thoughts around our liquidity.  Being liquid, these thoughts will eventually flow into the info stream. Maybe, if you find them, they will make you feel not so alone for a moment.  Maybe some principles by which we might connect will converge here - as we flow past one another. 

But, because I feel alone, I will be wishing you would rest here with me for a while.